Being heard and accepted are “ingredients” of one of the most touching alchemies that can support and even heal most of the living Human Beings on this planet, across Cultures, Background and status; it is one of the most common missing experiences that generate a big part of our subconscious actions. giving value to what people says , will create compassionate connection , regardless if they are right or wrong.
in its essence, it could be so simple to provide them, and transform the providing all of those “ingredients” could be so simple, it just require, attention, simplicity and recognition of the tools to provide meaningful gifts to the soul.
- Why is it so special to allow others to feel this Alchemy?
- When during the session will it be most useful?
- What are the challenges that are standing between us and Hearing another person?
- Understanding them and accepting their Subjective experience?
- How could we Master this art?
Reality is Objective- the way we perceive it is subjective -while the mindset and perception of each one of us can allow us to live, only within the subjective structure that our life experience and our spiritual opening can allow us, even while growing in the same house with same conditions, or being part of the same tribe, or study in the same group, life results to affirm that each person is mostly experiencing reality in their own unique way.
in my understanding, that by itself is not creating much separation and suffering, people thrive for being unique and to a final similarity in others from a very young age, while the reason for suffering deeply and even go into different emotional/Spiritual crisis, is the sense of being misunderstood by others.
this issue can make one see a big barrier/Gap between oneself and its environment, and by that going deeper into its shell, others might even immigrate from where they live to another place to avoid or not face that sense of separation.
The Timing when the good listening could be most relevant and meaningful is right after the session; it is that “sweet spot” where the windows of Opportunities are open, after breathing together, gaining trust in one another, in the water, in the process, the soul reveal itself more than its usual allowance, now as we know;
Once being more open we are more vulnerable,
it’s an interesting Egg and Chicken effect, meaning, during the water therapy we might feel more safety in being vulnerable, and noticing genuine connection with our Facilitator, among more positive expressions of reality could transform deep understanding about life, beliefs, and inner strategies about our defence mechanisms.
all of those deeply meaningful sensations might create a transformation, allowing us to accept, notice that reality could be different from what we recognized in the past- for example being hurt because we trusted others and they didn’t stand for our trust, or that we expressed our needs and they were not met, or even that water is dangerous.
The End of the session – will be the best/ideal time to listen well for our recipient, at the end of the session, our ability to hear well, and except the subjective experience of our receiver to the session that we shared together, through breath, touch, intimacy all of them unspoke, and finally, we might enhance the meaning of that which we lived together, though the spoken word that can anchor this experience and give it clear deepening meaning.
things that will take us away from Empathy and from the feeling acceptance:
Suggestions- some time we need to get suggestions, many times they will just makes us feel that our feelings or needs doesn’t matter enough, wait with giving suggestions, even if you have the best one until you will know it is welcomed.
consultations – it could be welcome, while it is not necessary, to show a true empathic listening we don’t need to make an extra effort of becoming involved or understanding what we don’t, welcome to hear this video by Marshal Rosenberg: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3yUu7ZgGtk
Opinions: Opinions are hard to avoid for some reason, while to actually create an actual connection we need to start by avoiding any Opinions.
Assumptions– are one of the main challenges to allow others to be heard- we need to start by understanding that most of what we know is based on what we have experienced, while everyone else experiencing their own reality.
Sympathy – Sympathy is very close to Empathy, but it just brings the listener into the center of the attention, it is not really important if the listener feels the same or had some similar experience.
avoiding any assumptions, reflecting only the feelings and needs that we hear, as we hear them, without adding any “extra flavor” that comes to mind of the one who listens, is such a skillful gift, it is not so easy because our brain tends to connect and link points in an automatic level.
a simple detour of our mind to understand a situation will be to apply what we experienced already to the actual situation even if it might be something totally different, and that fact is actually also preventing us from listening to our own present moment along with listening to the present moment of others while they experience it.
Facing the challenge and practicing the art of listening in an objective way, while referring only to the facts that were said without making any opinion or adding unspoken information to the story, can allow us to intune to their subjective experience and allow us to witness them hear them, maybe not understand but allow the gift of feeling accepted for the story as it is.
Any assumption that we will make, has a great chance to make the other feel unheard while for us to not really listen to the unique experience that they share.
Questions- Asking a question is a great tool to understand better a situation but not necessarily to allow others to be accepted and heard, each question requires to go “back to the mind” which means to stop the line of thought or the feeling to elaborate an answer to the question, yet it might take us away from the authentic momentarily experience.
Gain the Trust– that you really care for the Feelings and needs, the Feelings and needs of each one are usually the power generator of most of the action, when it comes as a missing experience and when it is vivid and activating from within.
More about mirroring and reflecting in the next article of FlyDeeper